Yesterday, in line with my fixing broken commitments, I was sorting out a small box of my jewelery making supplies. I haven't made a piece of jewelery in over six years, but I have pillaged the box for one tool or bit of wire or something else. In addition to the box being very mixed up and cluttered, all of my work was in a large ball in the center. All of the necklaces and bracelets that I spent countless hours making were in a ball because the first time I moved I was haphazard and just shoved them in the box. My thinking was, "Well it isn't that long of a trip and these will be re-displayed in a few days; they will be ok." Few days, yeah right, try a few years.
As I began to meticulously untangle this ball I complained to my husband about the size, time it was taking, time it would take, and how it interfered with the rest of my desk reorganization. He said quite calmly, "Well if you want to speed it up, cut it apart or just throw the whole thing away." "Are you serious!?" I asked incredulously, "I spent so much time on these pieces, this is my art, my work; I can't just throw it away like garbage." "Well," he replied, "then stop complaining. Either you commit to taking it apart, or you commit to taking it out of your life."
He was right; we have had this conversation many times over other things and for some reason we both need to be constantly reminded. We have come to realize that complaining is akin to fence sitting. When one is sitting on a fence they are not committed. Another way of looking at this is having one foot in each of two worlds, never making a whole-hearted commitment to either. In this case my opposing worlds were the old paradigm of accepting my junk and clutter while the other was doing something about the clutter.
Any form of complaining, wishing, worrying, etc are all passive; they don't involve action just creations of the mind. We can either live in these safe worlds or actually take action to achieve what we want. At this point I feel these passive circumstances will confuse some people. "What is wrong with wishing and worrying?" some might ask. "Afterall, wishing helps you determine what you want and we always worry about the safety of our loved ones."
True, there is nothing wrong with the actions except when they are taken to an extreme. If someone has a dream and they just sit around wishing, then the dream will never happen. If, however, he or she starts to take steps in that direction then the dream becomes a map. At this point the dream takes on substance and becomes a useful tool rather than some fancy painting on the walls of the mind's eye.
The same is true for worry; some use it as an excuse to avoid personal responsibility to live one's life to the fullest. An individual simply cannot live if all they do is worry about how others are living their life. This brings up the phrase sick with worry. This is the individual who does not let others live their life and thinks he or she knows what is best for the other. This individual will not accept normal human limitations, mortality, individual choices, or accept that he or she has an outsider's view. Only an individual can make changes, excessive worry for another will not force that individual to change unless he or she deems it necessary. But even then it will only be because of personal choice not the worries of an outside individual.
